Conversations

I want to hear, “you’re beautiful” sometimes

Because I know I am

Inside and Out

But it’s a selfish desire

To want you to say it

See, I believe I’m a goddess 

Perfect in every movement

Flawless with every word

Pristine in appearances

But within lies a secret

Of what I hear in my head

you’re a fraud

you’re built funny 

you’re dumb

you’re not really attractive

Too many variations

Of insults and disrespectful vernacular 

Said in whispers

When no one’s around

I need to hear, “you’re beautiful” sometimes

Because I know I am

In personal and business life

But it’s a selfish desire

To want you to know it

See, I have a nurturing spirit

Loves with all my heart

Full of great ideas

So much potential 

But within are the lies

Of what I tell myself

you’re a bad mother

you’re horrible at relationships

you’re a failed entrepreneur

you’re not that bright

Massive insecurities

Bred by years of trauma

Done in shadows

When no one’s watching

I must tell myself, “you’re beautiful” sometimes 

Because I know I am 

Through good and bad 

But it’s a selfish desire

To want you to care

See, I am self-aware

The negative self talk

Mediocre self-image

Totally self-conscious 

Cuz within I know the truth 

Of who I really am

you’re gifted

you’re what people need

you’re headed for greatness

you’re not really incapable

Stand with confidence

In spite of my pain

Held to the light

When no one’s to blame

I’m beautiful 

I know I am 

From here to the end of time

And it’s a selfless desire

To want you to be beautiful 

See, I’ve been through enough

Life has its disappointments 

On the verge of giving up

Cast doubt aside

Cuz I know the reality

Of what you need to hear

you’re smart

you’re unique

you’re beautiful

you’re not really lost

A guiding message

Of life and love

Spread your wings

There’s no one to stop you

I’m Scared of Social Media

I got to thinking the other day about why I’ve had so much trouble gaining traction on social media.

The conclusion – I’m absolutely, without a shadow of doubt afraid of social media.

No joke.

Sharing my thoughts, my day, my process – nope. Don’t want to do it.

Now, why do I care so much about social media? Well, that’s how I meet new people who may need assistance.

I’m going to be completely honest. The amount of anxiety social media creates for me can be a bit overwhelming. But I realized what my problem is, and I know that many of you can relate to these things.

Social Media Is High School All Over Again

Social media is like high school to me.

It’s the place where I spent some of the most traumatizing portions of my life. But there are 4 main reasons why I feel like I’m back in high school again.

Stand Up, Stand Out

It’s the place where the popular, or not so popular, people stand out. Everyone is drawn to them for one reason or another. Whether popular or not those people live in infamy. Easily remembered.

Let me be clear, I was not popular in high school. I was more unpopular for reasons that are absolutely embarrassing in my adult life. One of those things is being a teen mom.

At the time, I was a proud mom, as proud as a 15-year-old can be. But now, I see the magnitude of being pregnant in high school and that reality still bothers me.

Adults and kids alike admonished me with their eyes, many of whom stopped speaking to me.

I know you’re saying, “Trina, what does being pregnant in high school have to do with your fear of social media”.

As a personal brand, I always worry about how the world sees me. Many of the people who I’m friends with on Facebook or who follow me know me in real life.

The knowledge that I decided something which altered the course of my life the way it did leaves me with anxiety.

Being on social media I think of what people will say about the stances I have and stories I tell. Will they remember me as that girl who got pregnant in high school?

I know, it’s weird. But it’s a real thing.

Watch What You Say

It’s the place where if you say anything a little to the left, people will bash you. Everyone has an opinion, but some opinions aren’t received very well.

In high school, I had a tendency of saying things that rubbed people the wrong way. I mean, seriously dude, I had a mouth and a foul one at that.

I also lived in an era where little girls are best seen and not heard.

Saying things that little girls shouldn’t say was my superpower. But I wasn’t looked upon as a hero. I was more a villain, to be honest.

You can imagine how self-conscious I am about saying anything on social media. It was not fun being a snarky kid who got side glances anytime she opened her mouth.

While my vocabulary isn’t as colorful now, I am still very sarcastic which seems to get lost in translation. This makes it difficult for me to talk about certain topics because I still remember being that girl with the villainous tongue.

What do I say without causing drama…?

Everyone Knows It

Anything you do and/say is public record. Even when you think you’re being “private”, somehow someone always finds out.

Like most kids, I had people I talked to and those I did not. I belonged to only 2 groups – the musicians and student government. I also tended to hang with the upperclassman. Not many, but a few.

My high school was small, only about 400 in total. But the school is K-12 so there were levels to it – elementary, middle, and high school all wrapped in one. No matter what, it was guaranteed if you told someone something someway, somehow everyone ended up knowing.

And it wouldn’t be the most obvious reason. One time someone’s younger sister overheard a conversation. Then told her friend who was the sister of another high schooler. The next day, everyone knew what had happened and it was not a happy feeling.

Dreaded was the moment when someone exposes something you thought only a few knew.

That’s why it’s part of the fear. There’s a lot about me I’m not proud of and the moment I start talking about my past it gives me anxiety. Kids don’t see the lesson; they only see the mistake.

Easily Ignored

 Anyone at any time can choose to ignore you. People can make you feel invisible.

There were moments in high school where I felt like no one could see me. It was a very sad time and I made some tough choices due to my loneliness.

It was worse for me in the 12th grade when high school becomes easier for everyone else. I struggled so much, I barely attended school other than to get marked present. It was so bad I had to attend summer school for the first time while other kids were getting ready for college.

I wished I was popular for my brains or my beauty or something to get the validation I so desperately needed at the time. But I wasn’t.

So, when I take the time to post something thoughtful the sting of being ignored comes into play. Will anyone notice?

The Reality of the Situation

That’s a lot of insecurity wrapped up into one, but these thoughts don’t serve me. They may be real feelings but they’re invalid ways of thinking.

Social media can seem like high school for many people but that doesn’t mean we have to go back there mentally or emotionally. And if you’re anything like me, you know there’s more to you than your past insecurities.

The whole point is my fears from my past jump out at me but I’m not that unpopular, snarky, vulgar-mouthed, invisible kid.

Am I going to allow what happened 20 years ago decide whether I make an impact or not?

I’m scared of social media, but it can be a friend.

And if you’re anything like me, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. You may not have memories of high school like I do, but you do get a bit scared.

I’m here to tell you it’s okay. I struggle just like you, but I choose to keep posting no matter how fearful I am.  As long as you believe in what you’re putting forth, no amount of fear or anxiety can get in your way.

You just gotta stop whining and start writing!

Has there been a time when social media rubbed you the wrong way? Were you ever afraid to post? How did you handle it? Comment below to join the conversation.

The Need For Validation

I craved the validation of my parents growing up. For even the smallest accomplishments my sisters received praise. I, however, fought to even be noticed.

Now, one could say that I suffer from middle child syndrome but it’s bigger than that. Standing out from my Oh so talented siblings wasn’t easy.

The reality is my parents will probably never give me what I wanted and ultimately believed I needed.  And that’s okay.

But it wasn’t until I took a hard look at myself now, I realize the lack of validation from my parents has affected me in my business.

Let me explain how.

Validation in Business

Whenever I wrote a blog or posted on social media if it didn’t get the attention I thought it should I would give up. Days, weeks, and months went by before I posted again. And, once again, if it didn’t get the attention I felt it deserved, I was crushed.

Here’s the thing. I’m not in this to become popular. Getting hundreds of likes or comments is not my purpose.

I’m in this to help someone become better. I do this to help the shy writer finally write the stories they have in their head and heart. I’m outspoken to give a voice to someone who is oppressed and/or ignored.

It wasn’t until I began to focus on my WHY that I said to hell with my parents’ validation or that of anyone else.

As long as I know what I do is important and there is a need for it, it doesn’t matter what people say and/or think about me. All that matters is I care about the person who reads or hears my message. I may have grown up without validation but I no longer allow the lack thereof to dictate what I say and do.

I don’t know who needs this right now but who cares if your parents didn’t support you. What’s the big deal your teachers didn’t understand you. Why does it matter if your family doesn’t get why you’re doing what you do.

You know you have a story to tell. There is a message inside of you. You know what you have to say matters. And if you know all this, it doesn’t matter if you get 1 like or 1,000 likes. What you do matters. You don’t need to be validated by anyone but yourself. Period.

Do you find yourself searching for validation in what you do? Let’s talk about it. Leave a comment below.

The Reality of Mental Illness From a Bipolar Chick

When I filmed a Facebook Live a couple of weeks ago, my intention was to inform people about the realities of mental illness. This post came after Anthony Bourdain, the renowned chef was said to have committed suicide.

I wanted to show folks that famous people weren’t the only ones who suffered and it is a growing problem in the United States.

This post was not to receive any type of fame or recognition. It was, however, a testament of the everyday struggle of me – a bipolar chick.

If you haven’t watched the FB Live, here it is. Once you view it, please share it with your friend’s list and follow through on my call to action at the end. It could repair a broken relationship or better yet, save a life.

If you need assistance telling your story, please contact me.

Keep It To Yourself, Please???

I am a firm believer in getting things out…especially when it makes for a good story.

I love it when a writer takes readers on a journey from beginning to end.

The twists, turns, ups, and downs of a good story excite me, even when the tale is a complete work of nonfiction. You can never underestimate the power of a good story.

But what if you keep it all to yourself? What if you go through life remaining silent and opt not to share your stories with the rest of the world.

What’s the worst thing that could happen, right?

Keeping it to yourself means:

  • You DON’T share your expertise with the world
  • You WON’T help others by sharing your story
  • You CAN’T find people like you with similar trials/tribulations
  • You SHAN’T find peace and clarity for yourself

 

It may seem like I’m being a bit overdramatic, but these are the truths of keeping it to yourself. No one wins with your silence, not even YOU.

Now, what if you don’t want to keep it to yourself? What if something inside is holding you back?

You may think:

  • “No one wants to hear what I have to say”
  • “I don’t want to “offend” anyone with my story”
  • “I don’t know where to start or what to write”
  • “Who cares about what I think?”

Or one of the other many excuses I hear from people each day.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone.

I used to have these same thoughts. I would torture myself with negativity and stayed silent for a very long time because of it.

But you know what? I knew I wanted to help people and I knew I couldn’t effectively do so by keeping it to myself.

I realized two important things.

One – none of these statements were true.

Two – statements such as these held no weight against my need to want to help people.

 

So I decided to quiet the negative voices and write to my heart’s content.

And it can be the same for you.

Don’t allow negative thoughts or feelings to force you to keep it to yourself.

If you are anything like me and would like to:

  • Help others reach their potential
  • Reach your audience in profound ways
  • Be an influence to others
  • Increase your notoriety and profits

You have to STOP keeping it all to yourself and START believing in YOUR VOICE.

And you don’t have to be a super writer in order to share your thoughts through books, articles, blog posts, etc.

All you have to do is sit down and write.

Be confident in who you are and what you have to say. 

Get the right guidance from someone who can see who you are and nudge you in the right direction. Trust me: A little guidance always goes a long way.

The world needs to hear from you.

Just out of curiosity, are you ready to write your story? Or do you feel like you need more confidence in doing so?

I would love to hear what you’re thinking.

Need more encouragement? Check out this video.