Smoked Up

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I never smoked so much in my life

Its been how I get by

All the pain and frustration

Thoughts and contemplation

My brain runs 90 miles a minute

If I told you, you still wouldn’t believe it

That I struggle with who I am

I struggle everyday with who I wanna be

But I’m no wanna-be

From a mother to an ex-wife to a girlfriend

Its hard to live when there are no real friends

So I light it up and smoke it

Whether its a cig or that good sh*t

Cuz the life I have I run from it

Its not easy to be me unless you live it

Constant disappointment

People show constant disrespect to my emotions

So I spark up again

A way to free my mind

For a little bit of time

To the point I don’t feel it

But either the hurt is too strong

Or the weed man did me wrong

Cuz I can feel the pain still

the high doesn’t come so I smoke ’til it will

To the point of smoking a pack of cigs a day, four L’s a day

But the pain doesn’t go away

I need to find a natural high

The one that helps me realize

All goals and aspirations

Real life, no hesitations

When I am me regardless

I am dying inside

This is why I get high

And no matter what I do

My happiness will not come true

As long as I hide in the shadow of smoke

Its to the point now that I choke

on my fears and pain that I’m constantly in

My biggest sin, I’ll never win

As long as I hide

I will always be high

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