30 Day Challenge: Day 7

Day #7 and I am feeling amazing.

In celebration of making it through an entire week I went on a sharing frenzy across all my social networks. I spent the day retweeting and sharing posts, pictures and videos. Many of the shares were of the inspirational nature towards career goals and personal life lessons. Some dealt with the postings exploiting the aggressiveness of law enforcement these days. Others were just hilarious and I couldn’t pass them up without repinning.

During a lull in my social media activities I began to daydream.  And randomly words came to me. This is what formed:

I Have Lived In a Prison

I have lived in a prison

for 31 years

The kind with walls so high

no one can climb

And my attitude is my attack dog

keeping people out

I scream and shout

from the inside

“Don’t you come ’round here, again”

are you the words I send

out through the bars

Shackles on my feet

As I repeat

I have lived in a prison

for 31 years and 5 months

The kind that’s so dark

I hide in the corner parts

Shielded from the laughter

and ridicule that chases after

the little girl

with the broken world

Reaches out to nothing

or no one

Same as when she begun

I have lived in a prison

for 31 years, 5 months and 3 days

The kind that I erect

Careful not to resurrect

My demons watch the area

For those who will infiltrate

Ready to spew their hate

They whisper to me

“Come here! Get over here, bitch”

They make me twitch

As I run

through the corridor

I yell some more

I have lived in a prison

All my life

I’ve had to fight

I’ve been raped

Held down on the bed

as I was beaten

Days I haven’t eaten

Held back from destiny

“Please let me go”

The tears I dare not show

The pain is insane

Known by the numbers and not my name

31 years, 5 months, 3 days, 8 hours

I have lived in a prison

and I can’t escape

It came out a bit dark but those were the words I was feeling so I allowed they to flow. When I was younger I would write about whatever I felt at the time; good or bad, harsh or bubbly. As an adult, oftentimes I shield myself from the emotionally fueled verses by censoring them or toning them down. In doing so I cradle myself from having to feel the raw emotion that caused the poem in the first place….but that’s not what poetry is all about.

Poetry is all about raw emotion and allowing yourself to let go by any means necessary. In coming up with “I Have Lived In a Prison” I realized how much I tend to hold myself back when it comes to my poetry and my writing all together, careful to not completely let the world in. It’s a mechanism I have learned over the years of trials and tribulations in not wanting people to judge me or my art.

Now that I am pushing these emotions to the forefront this could be the start of a beautiful thing.