It has been a long, hard week of physical recovery. My surgery was just a week ago, and while I’m nowhere near being healed, I feel a tad better mentally.
I never realized how much the physical could affect the mental and vice versa. Normally I just ignore it as coincidence when things seem to fall apart. However with this series of surgeries I have found that my mentality was just as damaged as my body.
It may seem a little dramatic of me to put things in such a way. Honestly, I’m a bit ashamed because I try to always keep my cool on the outside no matter how much I’m screaming on the inside. I knew the lines had blurred when I started to question myself, my work and my abilities as a writer to the point of depression.
Being already sick made the depression a little worse, but as I lay recovering with nothing else to do I contemplated what I really am. It took a couple of days and I never really found a definitive answer but I did realize something. The only way I would be able to heal both physically and mentally was to do what makes me happy.
So, I began to work. I added more features to I Mean, Really Dude. I’m really proud of what I accomplished too. I’m far from finished but it made me feel so much better. I also took a walk to the library and picked up some books to keep me literary alive.
Finished “The Great Gatsby” in one sitting yesterday. Seriously.
While these string of surgeries has gotten me down, and I mean DOWN, I figured in my thinking that I could not allow them to mentally kill me. Letting my mind play tricks on me is totally not an option.
Now, unfortunately for me, I go back to my “job” today. But honestly I wish I could just be home and continue the work that I have accomplished over the past two days. I would rather just be here in front of the computer recovering, but these surgeries do cost and I have to pay the bill, so off to my “job” I go.
I’m not quite done recovering and it will be some time before I’m completely healed. Yet, I learned that if I don’t keep my mentality afloat, then I will never physically be the same.
So I continue to push and try. Hopefully I will be a full 100% soon. Until then I will be doing what keeps my mind off my physical issues and makes me happy – reading and writing.
Until next time.
Peace & Blessings