The Opening

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Working on Just A Girl has been one of the most rewarding writing experiences I’ve ever had. If you’ve kept up with my tweets you have gotten tidbits from the book 140 characters at a time.

While the book isn’t quite finished yet, mostly due to having so many memories I have to slice and dice, I figured I would give you guys a sneak peek.

Here is what is to be the opening of Just A Girl:

 

There are so many ways to describe what I have become. So many explanations I could give to those willing to listen. Different insights I could give to all the nonsense and misunderstood moments that have created the individual I am today. Several reasons I could give for the accomplishment, no matter how minimal to the outside world.

Those who do not know me well would consider me to be a well-adjusted person who has managed to bring myself out of the fire. Those who have crossed me see a monster that wreaks havoc on unsuspecting people. Those who know my pain see me as a wounded animal, fearful of life and all that it encompasses. Those who truly know me inside and out have encountered the strong, confident self along with the person full of pain protected by a hell of a mean streak.

No matter how you come to know me, there is nothing more believable than the truth. There is a bit of lie in every truth and a bit of truth in every lie. Each story told has more than one side and can be seen from each possible angle of a complete circle. My life has been more than what I can tell but it is less than what anyone can say about me.

Every cause has an effect and every action has a reaction. I have been hurt and slighted in my past but I have also hurt and slighted others. Sometimes it was to seek revenge, in other scenarios it was just because I could.

The major thing that matters in all triumphs and mistakes are the lesson learned. If we don’t learn from our lives we gain nothing from our own existence. There is nothing worse than repeating the same behavior over and over. People say a repetition of things expecting different results is insanity. And to be honest, I am nearly insane.

The things I have been through, the things I have witnessed and the things I have done have caused me to become a person I am not readily able to recognize. Looking in the mirror is a chore that I would rather not complete. If I look, I am forced to see myself for who no one else sees – a scared, angry, shell of what I could be.

In my life there are so many things that could be blamed on others. However, I am responsible for my own actions and reactions. I am the commander of my ship and even if it is infiltrated, it is up to solely me to protect my ship. I have failed in protecting my vessel from storms, strong winds and outside forces only to come out of it with tattered sails and a leaky hull. Amazingly so, I am still afloat. I have still managed to continue on my journey and not fall to the depth of the sea of nothing, never to be found again.

Sane or not, Happy or not, Confident or not; I am still me. I am still moving and trying to be better than I was yesterday. I am only what I allow myself to be. And after all the trials and triumphs I must remember, I am just a girl.

 

Hope you enjoyed it.

Until next time.

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