30 Day Challenge: Day 13

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The morning started as it usually did, quiet and energy filled. It was a little gloomy outside but it was to be expected with the rain forecasted.

Before I could get myself situated I received a phone call that struck my nerves so hard I snapped.

For those of you who do not know, I was the victim of domestic violence for 7 years at the hands of my ex-husband. There are things that occurred at those times that still shake me to the core as if they happened yesterday.

Nevertheless, for about 6 years now my ex-husband hasn’t laid a finger on me. He comes to pick the kids up and that’s that. But I realized something – the abuse is still ongoing.

While he may not put his hands on me, he still will be disrespectful and rude whenever it suits him. Anytime things go wrong in his life he calls me and lays me out.  Ironically, even though I have nothing to do with it and aside from our children, I don’t associate with him.

This realization of mental and emotional abuse was enough to make me nauseous. I hadn’t even noticed it before mostly because I try my best to keep the peace and keep our dealings kid related.

Abuse is a hard thing to get past and get over, especially when the perpetrator is still in your life one way or another. Unfortunately for me, I have to deal with him due to our children but that doesn’t mean I have to continue to allow him any sort of power over me.

Late last year after I released “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: The Struggles of Being Bipolar”, I decided my second release was going to be about the domestic violence I had gone through entitled, “Married to a Monster”. The topic was hard for me to deal with at the time and I pushed the book to the back burner.

Now that I have finally had enough I believe this is a literary work that I need to put into my schedule of to-dos.  I can’t be scared that the content is too painful and leaves me open to old scars. I had to realize that, if not for myself, I owed it to women everywhere suffering from domestic violence. I have to show them that they have a voice and should not be afraid to speak up and speak out. And if they are anything like I was a few years back where they believe that it’s all their fault, I will be their shoulder.

This is the day I finally say to my ex-husband and any abusive individual out there –

YOU DON’T OWN ME OR ANYONE ELSE. YOU ARE A COWARD AND WEAK EVEN WHEN YOU THINK WHAT YOU DO MAKES YOU STRONG AND DOMINANT. YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH ALL YOU’VE DONE BUT I AM HERE TO EXPOSE YOU. I AM HERE TO TAKE YOU DOWN A PEG AND GET YOU TO REALIZE THAT YOU DON’T CONTROL ME. I CONTROL ME.