30 Day Challenge: Day 20

More than half way done and I am beginning to review my place. Mostly because I never finish anything. Well, I guess that isn’t true. I managed to finish my first book but that came at a cost of sleepless nights and frustrated days. It didn’t help that I was going through a depressive state throughout which made it 100 times harder to get things done.

This is the major reason I over think or re-evaluate decisions. I will challenge myself while in a manic state to jump-start my creative juices. Then in the midst of things I will hit a depressive lull and the entire project will go down the tubes.

That is the loveliness of bipolar. You never know when the manic stage is coming nor when the depression is going to smack you in the face. Aside from not knowing when, you also don’t know how long either of these states will last. Sometimes hours, days or weeks But there is the rare occasion that a stage can last a month or two. While I haven’t had a manic state last that long, I have had depressive ones that seemed never-ending.

Each day is a fight.

Some may think when I don’t post I’m just being lazy. Nope. Aside from all the hats that I wear, some days I am fighting just to do the minimum. This means that I may not get around to posting on that particular day. It’s not that I’m not being consistent at all. It’s probably a day I woke up and had to drag myself out of bed just to get the average stuff taken care of.

Do I like the fact that my blogs suffer due to my illness? Of course not. At this point it’s a matter of getting through it or around it. Bipolar will be a part of my life for the rest of my life. However, it doesn’t have to control my life. This has controlled me for way too long and I am getting to the point where I have had enough.

When I released “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”, it was just a stepping stone for beginning the journey of getting through being bipolar. Now, after nearly a year after it came out, I am still leading the charge in my life. I’ve looked into Depression and Bipolar Associations. It rather sucks because there are no prominent ones in my tri-state area but I think I can change that. People still do not understand the depth in which a disorder like bipolar can change a person, friendship or family. I want to make people more aware.

So this is something else in these 30 days that I’ve had an epiphany on. It’s actually refreshing to openly talk about this with all of you. And hopefully you will help me in support of those who suffer from disorders such as bipolar. We ARE still human even with our quirks.

30 Day Challenge: Day 8

Day 8 and it’s a new week. I am so stoked to get to gettin’.

A vicious workout, as usual, and I am starting to see the definition in my arms. My youngest little grown person literally told me that I needed to stop working out for fear that I would become “too diesel”. I found it quite amusing and gratifying to know that my son thinks I have big muscles. I mean, they aren’t that big but it’s nice to know that all my hard work is becoming visible.

One of the lessons I try to live by  is Form follows function. If you function properly things will form themselves.  In life, there are ways to formulate yourself but nothing comes together in life if you are unable to function.

There have been many times within my life where it has been difficult to work through daily tasks. This has a lot to do with having bipolar disorder which causes stints of time where I am in a debilitating depressive state. It also has much to do with being sick on and off for the past 2 years with the worst of it being earlier this year.

Considering that my medical problems are pretty much over, I have to worry about the problem that will never go away. Bipolar disorder can completely ruin your life if you do not keep up a healthy regimen. This includes being around positive things and people in order to function.

The one thing that continues to keep me focused and functioning is my family, especially my children aka my little grown people. They keep me motivated but most importantly they keep me laughing. Each day, at some point, one of the kiddies will come and ask me if I need help with work or offer ideas on writing projects. I am thankful for them. And even though I can have a Napoleon complex towards them because 3 out of 4 of them are taller than me, I appreciate them each day.

This is why I spent the entire day with my little grown people. Setting aside time for just them and me is something we all need due to our schedules being hectic especially with school about to begin. My hope is that they can help me in building up on my form in order for me to function properly. I owe it to myself, but most importantly, I owe it to them for all their help and support.

They want to see my writing career take flight and I’m not going to stop until they see it come to fruition.